Posted by: rusch | May 19, 2007

Thoughts on Provo

At times I have worried that Provo will be a repeat of my experiences in Rexburg.  But somehow, I seriously doubt that this will be the case.

During my second year at BYU-I after my mission, I had a very difficult experience.  I think that a major part of it was due to my attitude, my emotional and spiritual state, and in part with some of the friends that I had chosen while I was there.  Looking back, had I experienced the healing that has taken place over the past year, it would have been very different.  I think that had I let myself be healed, I would have felt like my friend Megan who wept as I drove her out of Rexburg and away from that school forever as she was moving on to other things.

But somehow, I think that I will have a much different experience.  In some ways this is a second chance to take advantage of opportunities that I missed in the past because of derpession and low self esteem.  But there are some things that I have learned that I will put into practice that I believe will make all the difference.

I know that because of my depression, I like to seclude myself and be alone.  Because I am an intellectual, I have no problems finding things to occupy my time without being around anyone else or doing anything social.  This time I will go out of my way to examine what myself and ask if I am withdrawing.  If I say yes, then I will make efforts to get involved.  Even if it means going to the institute in Orem because I am at loss for something to do, I will do it, because I will be happier with others then simply hanging out and reading by myself.

I will take my studies very seriously.  Because I will be doing something that I want to do, it will be very easy for me to focus on academics and not get discouraged or distracted from my purpose.  Also I will study in the Library which will allow me to be around other students and find opportunities to socialize.

I will not expect everyone to be interested in my interests, but will go out of my way to be interested in what others like.  My tastes are acquired.  Most likely there will be few people who are as interested in religion as I am.  So this will provide me with an opportunity expand my own interests as I meet new people, seek to take an interest in what others are enjoy and are interested in.  As opportunities present themselves, maybe I will be able to share my interests with others.

There are other things that I will do as the need arises.  But I know that this time, I will be much happier living amongst fellow Mormons then I was before.

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